Charlotte
Church
Early
in her career, Charlotte Church was dubbed 'an angel', the fresh-faced,
heavenly-voiced epitome of youth and innocence. Then, in her later teens,
when her love life and social escapades were splashed across the press
and she was photographed drinking and smoking, she was portrayed as
a hell-raising wild child, the innocent-turned-party-animal.
Today,
the hell-raiser is curled up in an enormous fireside armchair in a boutique
London hotel, her feet tucked under her, sipping tea demurely. She looks
about as wild as Hyacinth Bucket, though that's where the similarity
ends. If she does spend her evenings tanking alcopops and B&H, she
looks remarkably good on it - she's cheerful, attractive and friendly,
despite suffering from a cold. Ahead of her second series of the award-winning
The Charlotte Church Show, she talks candidly about life in the spotlight,
her most nerve-wracking moments, and creating pandemonium at an unsuspecting
viewer's wedding.
The
first series of The Charlotte Church Show was your first foray into
TV. How did you find it?
I didn't really know what to expect, because I'd never really done anything
like that before. I loved it! It was really hard work, and I'm a little
bit averse to hard work - I've been working hard since I was 12 years
old, which is pretty strange to think of. So now I like to take things
at a little bit of a gentler pace. I've got a life of my own as well.
So I used to come up to London for the rehearsals and go straight back
home that evening, and come all the way up again the next day and do
the show. And there was loads of hard work to do - I had a lot to learn
- but I loved it. I love stand-up comedy, and learning how to deliver
jokes and stuff was really interesting to me. It was a lot of fun, and
I love the people I work with - all the writers and producers. I really
enjoyed the guests I had on there.
And
you managed to squeeze a bit of singing in there as well.
Actually I was really worried about having the singing in there. I thought
that to have a funny, lively, chaotic show and then get all serious
and sing at the end would be a bit strange. But actually now I think
it's a really nice end to the show, it went really well.
You've
mentioned working with the writers. Do you write much of the material
with them?
No. I like to think that I'm quite a funny person, although I'm probably
not. But I certainly don't know what it is to write jokes, that would
be alien to me. Maybe as the series go on I'll get involved in some
of the writing, but basically I just get a script, which is three times
as thick as when we're going to record it, so I'll edit bits out. Whatever
I don't think is funny basically gets the chop.
What
kind of advice did you get about delivering all the jokes and performing
the sketches in the show?
There was a guy called Dom English in the production team, who taught
me everything I needed to know. I just soaked everything he said up
like a sponge. But it didn't feel that unnatural. There are a lot of
performers in my family and not just performers like me - I've got the
easy job. I just make records and do interviews. But they're singers
in working men's clubs, where you've got to make them laugh and everything
as well. My auntie's really funny when she gets up on stage, and none
of it's pre-set, she just says what comes into her mind. So we tell
a lot of jokes in our family. My Bampy's always telling jokes.
I'm
sorry, your who?
My Bampy - my granddad. He makes them up himself. He'll tell you "I
made that one up 40 years ago, Charlie." So my timing was quite
natural. But what I did at the start of the series, because I was a
bit insecure about delivering all this new stuff, entirely new material
for me, I'd rush it, and I'd laugh myself. And Dom explained that the
only way to be funny was to be absolutely sure and confident about what
you were saying. Short and sharp, and no smiling. Once they're laughing,
you can laugh as well.
Do
you think you grew into the role as the series progressed?
Definitely. When the first show went out, I was really proud of it,
but now I can see I looked a bit unprofessional, and some bits just
weren't right. I'm quite harsh with myself in that respect. Mainly because
I don't like watching myself. But not many people do, do they? I don't
like listening to myself, watching myself, or anything. I always think:
"You fucking idiot, what are you doing? What are you making that
face for?" But I think I definitely got better.
You've
been performing since you were 12, but all of a sudden you found yourself
standing in the wings waiting to go on and film your first ever TV show.
How did that feel? Were you nervous?
Incredibly nervous. I have been more nervous once, when I was doing
Have I Got News For You?, when I was 17. I'd never really watched the
show, I didn't really know what it was about, I'd had a bit of rehearsal
but not much, and I thought "I'm 17 and there's four really funny
people out there with me". My mic was on my chest and I thought
"They're going to hear my heart!" It was literally jumping
out of my skin it was beating so hard. It was the same with this show,
there was a lot of pressure, to try and get everything right.
Did
Gavin come and watch the recordings?
Yeah he came to all of them, bless him. So I'd always say "What
do you think, then?" And he was always really honest with me, because
he can't be any other way, which is a real pain in the arse. So after
the first one he said "Look, it was really good, but during the
interview you're not listening to what they're saying." And he
was right. Gavin said "They'll say something really funny and you'll
just carry on with a completely different question. You're not reacting
to what they say."
It's
a pretty fast-moving show, isn't it?
It's really fast-paced - that's what I like about it. If there's a bit
you don't like, it's over in two minutes. And if I ever watch my show
and then turn over to another channel, it feels really slow. I like
the speed of the show. I've got a short attention span, so things like
that suit me anyway.
Which
bits from the last series are you most proud of?
A lot of it, really. In terms of doing the VTs, where I'm going undercover,
I find that really hard to do. Simply because I'm quite a nice person
and I don't like lying, or making other people feel uncomfortable for
comedy. But it is funny. I do like the hidden camera stuff. We're doing
lots of it at the moment, like CCTV – Remote Control [where Church
encourages a volunteer, via an earpiece, to behave extremely badly in
front of an unsuspecting audience].
Do
people ever react badly to it?
No, they're always absolutely fine. But being filmed is the last thing
they ever expect, so sometimes, when I come in, they're all so confused
already that they don't even know how to react. They're just trying
to work out what's going on.
And
you've been working on some for this series?
Yeah. It worked so well when we did it during the last series that we're
going to do one each week this time. So I did one just recently at a
wedding. I was talking to the best man during his speech. The bride
knew about it, because I'm not about to ruin a bride's wedding day by
secretly filming without permission. But only the bride and the best
man knew. It was the groom's brother who was best man. This guy was
brilliant - he did everything I told him to. It was bad. Really bad.
But so funny.
And
did everyone take it in the right spirit?
Yeah, absolutely. Usually people are so shocked that they don't really
know what to do, but as soon as I walked in everybody was clapping and
cheering. Everyone understood, it was a brilliant reaction. The best
was the groom, who loved it. During the speech he'd been getting angrier
and angrier, he looked like he was going to kill his brother. But the
groom was a fan of the show, so he thought it was brilliant. The 90-year-old
nana and auntie Jeanie had made the wedding cake. I got the best man
to pick up the wedding cake and tell everyone they'd made it, and make
sure everyone had seen it. Then I got him to drop it, and he did. But
we'd made a replica, so this wasn't nana and auntie Jeanie's. So when
I walked in the room, nana was eyeballing me. I said “Nana, it's
not your cake, yours is backstage, it's fine.” She was alright
after that.
Can
you reveal anything about the guests you've got coming on this series?
We’ve got Billie Piper and Gwen Stefani confirmed for the first
show. In the first show, I’ll also be singing with McFly, which
I'm really happy about, because I think they're brilliant - really good
live musicians, performers and singers. And in terms of interview guests
and comedians, we've some more exciting names coming up.
Who
did you enjoy singing with on the last series?
Nelly Furtado - everyone, really - The Feeling, Orson, really, really
good people. Nerina Pallot, The Brand New Heavies - she had an amazing
voice, brilliant sound. Who else? Aleesha Dixon, she was lovely, really
good voice. I was quite surprised at her. Amy Winehouse was wild, very
different and really nice. She was lovely, a little sweetheart. But
singing with her was an experience.
You've
been performing since you were 12. Most child stars are in rehab or
prison by the time they're the age you are now, or at least complete
Divas. How have you stayed grounded?
Well, you just realise that, yeah, some people work for you, but they're
still people, it's still just a job, you can't treat people like you
own them. I wouldn't do that anyway, because it's just not me. I think
I'm quite a nice person. And, remarkable as it may sound, I can do certain
stuff for myself. I don't need to be spoon-fed. If I'm really busy I
might ask someone if they could get me a cup of tea, if I'm not really
busy I'll go down to the canteen and get it myself.
Who
does more of the catering at home, you or Gavin?
I'm a brilliant cook now. I bake! I bake cookies, I bake cakes, I'm
really good. I moved out of home when I was 16, and looked after myself.
Pot Noodle was my standard diet, and I eventually got fed up of living
off Chicken and Mushroom Pot Noodles and taught myself to cook. I started
to eat stir fries, and then tried steak and potatoes, and just moved
on and on and now I'm really good.
So
if the show and the singing all go horribly wrong, you could be the
next Nigella?
Yeah, yeah, maybe. I don't see why not. [Laughs] No, no, I'm not that
good. But I'd love to go on a cooking course and get really good, like
holding dinner parties where everyone thinks the food is amazing.
You
and Gavin are like the Welsh Posh and Becks…
[Laughs] Yeah!
Does
the press intrusion bother you?
Yeah, it does really. We went for a weekend away recently. Gavin has
four weeks off a year, in the summer, and that's it. So we never get
to go anywhere, apart from one summer holiday, so as soon as he has
a weekend off, we'll maybe go and do something. A lot of players had
the weekend off, and a lot of them went away and had a few beers and
whatever. But we get photographed and it's all in the papers. We thought
we'd got away with it, but we were followed. And they followed us to
every bar and club we went to. Obviously I didn't have ten sambucas,
because I would've been dead. I had two! But we really just thought
we'd had a nice weekend away, and it was all over the papers. Especially
with Gav and his rugby, you won't find anyone more professional than
Gav. I don't care what they say about me, but with Gavin, that's his
livelihood, and he's so dedicated.
What
about members of the public, what are they like?
People are lovely. They're really, really nice. The only thing is that
when we do go out, there are a lot of people trying to take pictures
on the sly, and that really annoys Gavin. Then it's in the paper, we've
turned away ‘cos we've seen it or whatever, and then it's “Charlotte
and Gavin looking glum, are they on the rocks?” It just generates
so much shit. I always say "Look, love, if you want a picture,
come up to me, I will have my picture taken with you. Don't try and
get a picture of me looking dodgy, or I'll fuck you up!" [Laughs]
That last bit's a joke, I've never had a fight in my life. But generally
people just come up and ask for pictures and autographs, and they're
really nice.
If
you could choose any guest from across the world to appear on your show,
who would be your ideals?
Lee Evans. But apparently he doesn't really like appearing on TV, he's
really focused on his comedy. And it's not like he needs the exposure.
I'd love to sing with Sting, or Prince, or that guy Mika, he's really
good.
Who's
the most exciting person you've met through showbiz?
Oh God, I've met everyone. Name someone? Actually don't, because I won't
have met them. But I've been lucky enough to meet loads of people.
Have
any of them been a bit funny with you?
Christina Aguilera was a bit offhand, as was Britney Spears when I met
her. But I think Christina looks cool now. I think she's probably much
nicer now, she seems really sorted. Back then I think she was in a bit
of turmoil. She wasn't rude, she just wasn't very interested. And the
same with Britney. I feel sorry for her, she's having a tough time right
now, particularly with all the press intrusion. It must be a lot of
pressure.
What
ambitions do you have left?
I've never really been ambitious. I had goals - like when I was younger
I wanted to sing Madam Butterfly at La Scala, but I haven't really got
big ambitions, I'm quite happy to plod along. I'll always go back to
singing, in the end. For now I'm just enjoying working on the show.
I was really surprised how much I enjoyed it, how successful it was
- I won a Best Female Newcomer at the British Comedy Awards, which I
was really chuffed with. I wouldn't have predicted any of it a year
before, so I'll just keep on plodding along and see where life takes
me.
The
Charlotte Church Show returns to Channel 4 on Friday 23 February at
10pm.
By Benjie Goodhart
Series
One Interview
