First
Impressions
Launch
night approached, and we saw photos we weren’t supposed to as
house construction got under way and eventually as is now traditional
- rumours turned into leaks, and leaks got rapidly dropped from various
BB websites (thus proving they contained some element of truth!) and
finally Davina excitedly welcomed us to Big Brother’s eighth series.
The production’s first silly error was to give Davina a small
hand-held camcorder to carry about on her tour of the house. Of all
the stupid things to do!! To start with, if there was ever a house you
didn’t need to take a camera into – this would be it. This
was supposedly intended to show us what the housemates will see –
but frankly it did nothing for me, only served to make Davina’s
job more difficult and increasingly haphazard – and only really
gave me an impression of what a very pissed housemate would see. If
they really thought that much of the housemate’s viewpoint concept
– could they not manage a hat-cam or something more conducive
to her presentation style? A bad idea; badly realised and really not
the best start to the series… but they usually begin a bit slapdash
so anyway!
It’s
ladies first this year – which would have been quite a slow burning
surprise if I hadn’t been spoiled by the tabloids – but
while we must endure an opening week full of overbearing high-pitched
cacophony – you’ve got to surely feel sorry for the blokes.
Firstly, pity the poor chap who gets thrown into the lions den on Friday,
and secondly slightly less pity for the poor chaps who by the time they
enter the house, will have been in hiding for almost a month!
So the
new batch… first impressions…
The
Twins:
Very likely to be fantastic value for the series. They are top contenders
for the prize of most annoying whilst simultaneously most entertaining
housemates… beware of the voting public though – they will
happily (and stupidly) remove this kind of TV gold without a care for
us or themselves!
Their biggest gift to the show so far is their stupidity. But I have
very little patience for people who dance without music – so we’ll
have to see if anyone manages to out annoy them!
Lesley:
She seems beautifully doddery and has already come out with some great
quotes such as: “Is that someone breathing?” and a few too
many things appear to her to be “uncanny”. Watch this one,
she could be witless, she could be wily. So far she seems to have spent
a bit too much time trying to discuss ‘responsibilities’
and in a couple of conversations seemed to be trying to get others to
take control of the house so there’s no telling where this could
lead or what she’s up to. She says she’s hardly ever watched
the programme so – she almost certainly can’t be trusted!!
Charley:
The crowd may seem stupid – but they ain’t that stupid…
if they boo someone they’ve never seen before after a 90 second
clip, take notice! Also take notice if someone admits to being unemployed,
loving money and being an ‘it girl’ – the mob mentality
got it spot on when they chanted – get a job!! She could be incredibly
annoying whilst simultaneously entertaining – from what I’ve
seen so far – her best asset for the house (mostly us) is her
slack tongue – especially in a house full of girls – she
should watch out. There’s a fair few rolling eyes following various
statements that have spilled from her lips so far!
Tracey:
Looks like Paul Kaye dressed as an ageing pill-head girl. Says what
she feels along with a load of other bollocks. Very likely to be the
straight faced antidote to the overpowering head of steam that is the
majority of the house so far – seems like great casting for a
sense of clarity every now and then. Although it’s a sorry household
that requires this specimen to provide a straight head and clarity!
Chanelle:
She has a stupid name to begin with – but that’s not her
fault – that’s her parents… but they will have brought
her up so goodness knows what further ridiculousness has rubbed off
on her during the years. She prides herself on being mistaken for Victoria
Beckham – so we can file her under that dubious category of people
who would much rather be other people that there’s no decent reason
to aspire to be. She looks stupid, sounds stupid and acts stupid. But
can I really be that harsh to the first person ever to enter the house
and say ‘fuck me up the arse’ – erm… yes…
actually I can.
Shabnam:
This girl seems dodgy – through the live feed I’ve seen
a bit too much of her telling various people that she’s so pleased
they’re there otherwise she wouldn’t cope… beware
of someone who tries to bond with and befriend as many people as quickly
as possible – although considering much of her behaviour –
she probably doesn’t know what she’s doing or saying. This
one has an excitable streak somewhat different from the other frenetic
specimens in the house so far – she could be a prime contender
for early nominations if she winds them up.
Emily:
There’s little that can be said for this girl that she hasn’t
said already as she has dug herself a massive TV hole to climb out of.
Despite her protestations, she seems quite pleased to get mistaken for
Peaches Geldof, which (like Chanelle) puts her in a certain league.
I should say no more about her other than highlight her point about
a new kind of music she says is spreading the country… she calls
it ‘Indie’ but we shall have to wait and see if her forecast
comes true – sounds exciting... I can’t wait to hear it!
Whilst I shouldn’t say any more – she seems to induce a
slight rant in me – which could be the making of her (this is
Big Brother after all!) – I’ll keep it brief, but don’t
trust people who tell you their parents taught them the value of money,
especially if they then claim to not be a rich bitch! If you need to
be taught the value of money – and point out this education to
others – then you probably are a rich bitch.
Laura:
By this point there is so much squawking going on it’s getting
really tricky to concentrate. She’s got mammoth jugs and she’s
Welsh. Erm…
Oh yes – she doesn’t drink – only really drink squash
all the time – so plenty of fun there then… and she absolutely
hates smoking. That’s fair enough I suppose, it would be wrong
if me to dislike someone for that – it is everyone’s right
to have a smoke free environment and not be subjected to other’s
toxic fumes… or at least it will be in a few weeks – but
for it to be such an issue to her makes me suspicious. My suspicion
grows further as we learn that she’d love to be an embalmer. Contrary
to when housemates try to tell us that they are a bit mad or bonkers
– I really do think we have an odd one here!
Nicky:
Very little to say about this one, I guess that says it all! The most
obvious thing to note about her entrance is that many other housemates
didn’t even notice she’d arrived – the poor girl was
left to wander aimlessly about the room gently interrupting conversations
to introduce herself. If she keeps this up and does quite a bit of cleaning
– she’ll still be there in August. That is of course all
depnedant upon how she deals with the men – when they finally
arrive – as she doesn’t like ‘em. ‘Nasty little
creatures’ she says. Hmm, tread carefully girl, tread carefully.
Carole:
Hooray, a bubbly political protester. Just what we need – she’ll
last for weeks – even if the public eventually find her tedious
– I can’t currently envisage her getting nominated in the
very near future – although that will all depend upon her personal
hygiene – and protestors aren’t famed for their cleanliness.
She says she’ll sahek up the house good and proper – but
the only shaking going on so far is the floor when she walks across
it. As a political protester Big Brother could find her causing a bit
of trouble – but for the time being she seems uncharacteristically
rule conscious. Another interesting (and perhaps a little unexpected)
point about Carole – is that so far – she’s the only
person we know packed condoms – she’s feeling lucky…
send in the men!
