300 is Frank “Sin City” Miller's telling of The Battle of Thermopylae, in which a vast horde of Persians are held back by three hundred Spartans sitting in a mountain pass. And those Spartans were buff, and liked to shout 'Hurrr!'

To a man, the three hundred are psychotic frat boys who'd rather be mashing away to Nine Inch Nails and aren't too bothered about killing people during the course of a rousing conversation. On more than one occasion they get to build a wall out of corpses.

The film has a thing about physical perfection, where if you're deformed, Arabic or even a little bit effeminate you're probably a bad 'un. So if you're bothered about watching lots of men running about in their pants and periodically shouting 'A-woo!' just to stress that they really are all exactly the same, then this might not be your cup of tea.

If you're a girl and you think that it sounds fun, it's worth pointing out there's only one woman in this film, and she seems to be there to advertise the fact that 'Hey, we're not gay! Really. We just like pants.' And then, for no particular reason, she gets raped.

Aside from the idiotic dialogue lifted straight from the comic, the film is made up of a flowing series of battle scenes as the Spartans take on ninja orcs, ogres and elephants as they protect their 'passage' from the Persians.

It's much like releasing a rhino in a gym - which more or less happens. With swarthy bosses occasionally getting wheeled out on palanquins the overall feel of the action is a colossal, non interactive video game leaving you with absolutely no affection for the bronzy meatheads who we're meant to be rooting for.

The film is unquestionably stunningly shot and exhibits a technical mastery of CGI effects in which everything forms a rather pleasant coppery haze. But then, that's a lot like admiring the gloss on a swastika. 300 is pure liberal baiting jingoism in the same vein as Jack “Abu Ghraib” Bauer's exploits on 24 but also manages to be both tedious and forgettable.

by Michael Simon

300
*****

"The world will know that free men stood against a tyrant, that few stood against many, and before this battle was over, that even a God-King can bleed." – King Leonidus, 300

Rarely if ever does a film challenge Hollywood perceptions of what cinematic artistry truly is but 300 is a picture that is ambitious enough to try. The buzz around Sin City was doubtless a useful selling tool for the producers of 300 but anyone with a taste for action and beauty can see that this film is a very different creature. Set in Ancient Greece, the film follows a two-and-a-half thousand-year myth. Set mostly around the Battle of Thermopylae 480 B.C. where King Xerxes dictator over his Persian empire is greedily eating up cities. Enter the one man brave enough to defend his homeland, the King of Sparta, Leonidus. Without much else support he battles Xerxes’ hordes using only three hundred soldiers.

"We Spartans have descended from Hercules himself. Taught never to retreat, never to surrender. Taught that death in the battlefield is the greatest glory he could achieve in his life. Spartans: the finest soldiers the world has ever known." – Dilios, 300

Gerard Butler, who you may recognise from Phantom of the Opera, makes an amazing transformation as the strong-willed passionate King Leonidus, completely making the film his own. Lena Headey plays the gorgeous, sapient Queen Gorgo with the ability to match Butler’s strength of character. David Wenham (Faramir in Lord of the Rings) plays Dilios, narrator of the film and his gruff, bass voice continually permeates the screen. Dominic West (Theron) and Andrew Tiernan (Ephilates) are both utterly lecherous and gripping in their roles whereas Rodrigo Santoro stood out the most as the bloodthirsty and insane Xerxes; complete with his own stairway of living humans.
Filmed completely on green and blue screen in a total of sixty days under the direction of Zack Snyder (Dawn of the Dead) 300 takes computer generated imagery to a completely new level. Nearly all locations are digitally created from the bed chamber of Spartan royalty to cliffs, to the summit of an ominous mountain. The graphics are a refreshing, realistic and innovative use of their medium, used as a piece of art. This is a far cry from the usual big budget attempts to half-annoy, half-astound audiences with the fake digital puppetry.

"Spartans! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty... For tonight, we dine in hell!" – King Leonidus, 300

Larry Fong’s cinematography compares starkly with additional music composed by Tyler Bates to give 300 a gritty, raw sense of realism. Although the motion picture isn’t historically accurate it has single-handedly raised the bar in the epic genre. It takes all of the emotion which should have been in Troy and couples it with ten times more advanced effects than Gladiator. Its single most wonderful trait is 300’s wild and unashamed passion and vivacity because it leaves all other films of its kind trailing in the dust.

by Elizabeth Amisu