Leading
Kazakh journalist Borat Sagdiyev is on the campaign trail to promote
his new feature-length documentary, ‘Borat: Cultural Learnings
of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan’. Having
made a stir at film festivals globally, he attracted huge media attention
during his recent trip to Washington.
Amidst his busy promotional schedule he found time to talk about the
film, his homeland and America.
Your
family back home must be very proud of you, tell us about them?
I single, my wife is dead, I did not kill her. I have three sons. Bilak
who is 12, Biram who is also 12, Hooeylewis age 13. Hooeylewis is my
most favourite son, Bilak is my least favourite son. I too have sister.
She is number four prostitute in all of Kazakhstan and I have 17 grandchildrens.
What
do you do when you’re not making documentaries?
My hobbies is trampoline, table tennis, disco dance and shoot dog. I
also like look on picture of America things example swimming pools.
I like sex. I also like to speak on telephone, I have make over eighty
conversation calls. One day I would like to eat a very big chocolate
cake... with a toffee, and have my name ‘Borat’ made with
toffee. I also like to start fires. I too enjoy drink alcohols and smokings
cigarette. I like, why not?
So
you do get to enjoy life’s little luxuries?
My favourite foods is toffee. It my ambition one day to eat a delicious
hamborger. I am allergy to uncooked falcon. I like drink vodka and traditional
Kazakh wine which make from fermented horse urine. I smoke cigarettes
made by Kazakh Ministry of Health. They is good for you, it say so on
the packet.
Do
you have a favourite holiday destination?
For holidays I recommend very much the Astana Funworld Family Resort.
It have something for everyones - for wives there are luxury cages,
for husbands there is unlimited buffet of regularly cleaned Uzbek prostitutes,
and for children there is enclosure in which they can hunt wild boar,
dog and gypsies.
Are
you a music fan?
I am fan of Korki Butchek and popstar Billy Sexcrime. I like children’s
song, ‘Throw The Jew Down The Well’ - I sing this in US
and A for my television. People they like very much. I like also song
of C&C Music Manufacturing Plant, ‘Everybody Dancing Now’.
What
are your favourite films?
My favourites movies is Robot Cop. Womanman Doubtfire, Little Lord Fontelroy,
Transsibierskiy Ekspress 2, Gerald McGuire and sex comedy The Accused.
I also like watch porno.
Who
are your favourite movie stars and why?
I very much like Kazakh film hero Viktor Hotelier, you probably know
him from blockbusters movie Almaty Summer. I also very much like the
new James Bond, Roger Moore. I like female cartoon Kazakh superbhero
by name ‘Astounding Woman.’ She have amazing strength that
she use to pull a full-sized plough for up to 42 hours without food
or water.
How
did you come to be a journalist?
I have degree from Astana University in English and plague research.
I make three new ones. One was release in Uzbekistan and kill over fifty
thousands goat. My occupation now make reportings for Kazakhstan Television.
Previous I gypsy catcher and icemaker. I also have work as computer
maintenance… I the one who paint it and remove dead birds from
its pipes.
What
is the biggest difference between working with a major Hollywood movie
studio like Fox and working in the film and TV industry in Kazakhstan?
Kazakh films is more realistics. In Hollywood movie The Gladiator, it
obvious the tigers was not actual eat those criminal, whereas in Kazakh
movie Angry Snakes on a Gypsy Boat, over 85,000 extras was actually
attacked and finished by the pythons. I think Hollywoods can learn from
this and be prepare to spend extra money for make movies look real.
Also rating system of two countries is a slight different. In my country
you must be at least eighteen-year-old for watch scenes containing uncaged
women, and for view explicit sexytime you must be at least three.
What
do you think the people back home in Kazakhstan will think of the movie?
This movie have already been release in Kazakhstan and was blockbusterings.
It open simultaneous on all seven of our country’s screens and
take top spot from Hollywood movie King Kong, which had been number
one film in Kazakhstan ever since it was release in 1933.
It
has been said that your country is rather oppressive, what do you say
to that?
Yes, thanks you very much.
What
would Americans be most surprised to learn about life in Kazakhstan?
That it actual very modern country that have many things similar to
U.S. and A. For examples, we have daytime game shows very like their
Jeopardys, our most popular one have name Gypsy Bingo where we put numbers
on back of twenty gypsies. Contestant have to bet on which number will
manage to reach other side of minefield. I would like invite people
who read this to come visit Kazakhstan. It now democratic, free nation,
with cleanest prostitutes in all of Central Asia, except of course for
Turkmenistan’s. Also it have world-class shopping at new supermall
Almaty Shop City, which is actual built on three levels. They connected
by Central Asia’s first electric staircase, which did not swallow
and grind those two schoolchildrens.
Is
there much of a television celebrity culture in Kazakhstan?
The most popular baby in my country was born from two housemates nine
month after end of hit television program Kazakh Big Brother. The mother
was ex-Olympic gymnast Lily Utmarkan, and father was celebrity sex criminal
Urkin the Rapist.
How
do you think being a movie star will change your life? Are your friends
and family afraid you’ll ‘go Hollywood’?
I do not think this a problem as I already number four most famous person
in Kazakhstan behind our glorious leader, Premier Nazarbayev, pop star
Billy Sexcrime, ex-Olympic gymnast Lily Utmarkan, she now work in Kazakh
State Circus, where she famous for putting one foot in mouth and acting
chimpanzee. Jonny the Monkey, he dress like Humphrey Bogarts and smoke
cigarette, but very sadly he recent die making monkey Evel Knievel movie.
He was intend to jump swimming pool on motorcycle, but he crash in water
and drown because his hands had been glued too strong on handlebars.
Goodbye, Jonny, we miss you.
At
the Toronto premiere of your film the projector broke down, that must
have been embarrassing, what happened there?
It was brand new machine brought over special from Kazakhstan for this
event. We do not know who fault it was, the blacksmith who build this
projectors blame the candlemaker for use poor-quality wax in the lantern,
and the candlemaker blame the boy who was pedaling it for go too fast
and blow out the flame. They will all be execute and then tried in a
court of law for this crime.
What are you most proud of?
I can be carryings a woman against her will for one miles.
What
is your toughest memory from growing up?
During the winter of 1991 in Almaty. We were so cold that we was force
to burn my sister’s clothes for warmth. We were only saved when
my mother shave her pubis and knit hairs into woolly gloves.
If
you could take one thing from the U.S. back to Kazakhstan, what would
it be and why?
I would like bring back all the best friends I make on my travels. I
like you very much. Please call me in Kazakhstan and we will make chitchat
on telephones. My number is Kazakhstan 142.
What
would you like to say to our readers?
I want meet nice western girlies for chitchat and sexytime, preference
lady with yellow hairs, with plough experience and little or no history
of retardation in family. I would like to meet you and make romance
inside you. If you agree be my wife then you will come my country, I
will give you television with remote control, a red dress, two strong
shoes, I will love you and care for you, we will be as one... but if
you cheat on me I will crush you. Also I like meet nice men, as friend,
no sexytime.
