The National Student has compiled the predictions of leading futurologists to show you what the future holds...

Present - 2015

In the future… in the very near future I might add, 25% of TV celebrities will be synthetic. Think on that as you will, but predictors have suggested that the UK’s highest earning celebrity will be synthetic by 2015. If female, this synthetic celebrity will have undoubtedly had some smart mammary memory technology installed within her ample bosom. Her intelligent breast implants won’t just help her maintain the status of ‘most photographed cleavage in Britain’; they’ll also perhaps include a media player, with attractively convenient control nipples. Her high-tech breasts will probably also have Bluetooth and GPS functionality, vibration modes too that can be controlled by her lover, or even an organic visual display to show videos or even alter the appearance of her chest to suit her outfit or mood. It’s amazing what they’ll be able to do with breasts in a few years time. But enough about high concept mammary memory, we can’t hang around thinking about breasts all day, there’s a whole world of future out there just waiting to be discovered.

There are so many wonderful advances to come; and so many curious side effects for us to endure. Most homes will use webcams for communication, anti-noise technology will be built into homes to ensure that peace reigns eternal and you’ll have a greater peace of mind for your home security thanks to neighbourhood video surveillance networks.

Everything will be so convenient for the all consuming consumer; tiny chips embedded inside food packaging will control the cooking, your washing machine will be aware of its contents and select the appropriate cycle. We won’t lose control though, oh no… we’ll get personalised TV & radio giving us exactly what we want when we want it - well almost. While we enjoy the various entertainments piped into our homes, we’ll control everything with separate volume controls for different people in the room. The fun goes on when orgasmatron machines in homes across the country allow you to have that little bit of extra special ‘me time’ and even send orgasms by email to lovers, friends, relatives and colleagues. Go-on send your Mum something she’ll really enjoy this Mothers Day!

Services and industries of all kinds will change and develop. Nano silver technology will be used to sanitise hospital visitors, while hospital and medical services will start being offered within other sectors such as the hotel trade. Most advertising will be personalised to the viewer, but if you hire a film you can expect to be given a self destructing DVD. Movies will no longer be sold in VHS format, most books and music will be sold on-line. As commerce alters, so must transactions; paper and coins will have been largely replaced by electronic cash by 2015 and most tickets - from train journeys and deli counters to theatre and football matches will be electronic.

On the subject of football, chips inside footballs, players, officials and around the pitch will enhance data collection creating astoundingly detailed records of each match and dramatically changing the management of the game. Viewers at home will be able to pick any angle or player view and within the sports ground augmented reality will enhance the spectator experience. Equally technology will have similar effects upon a wide range of sporting activities.

Despite being able to go to the dentist to get your teeth regenerated, it’ll still on the whole, be a tough and trying life. British retirement age will initially rise to 70 while a culture of mistrust develops amongst revolts against the loss of civil liberties and an anti-technology backlash as ID cards become compulsory in the UK. We will vote online, inevitably bringing further suspicion upon the state, its methods and practices. Digital x-ray glasses will be available as well as terahertz scanners for detecting items hidden beneath clothing. Terahertz jammers will consequently become available in clothes as a personal modesty shield but don’t expect to keep your modesty when going on holiday because terahertz jammers will be banned within airports.

Purely electronic companies will exist, operating with minimal human involvement. Android robots will be used for factory jobs and other routine tasks including cleaning duties, fetch and carry roles in offices and hospitals as well as fulfilling more recreational occupations like teaching dance and yoga. Robots in all forms will become increasingly relied upon to keep things ticking, like the insect-like robots that will be used to pollinate crops.

Computers will of course continue to take an important place in our lives but personal memory sticks, generally of 100GB or more, will replace hard drives for the storage of everyday files, hard drives instead will be used primarily for archiving. Computer enhanced dreaming will show us that fun with gadgets and gizmos doesn’t have to stop when you fall asleep. We’ll each have a single address for emails, phone calls and such like with all voice calls eventually being free. On handsets, hilarity will no doubt ensue when people calling you are able to send their own ring tone to your phone and vibration will be used to convey emotion during mobile phone calls. Communication will meet clothing too when we start to see the advent of Star Trek style ‘commbadges’. TV quality video screens will be built into clothes as well, but of course and for obvious reasons, there will have to be laws to restrict what can be shown on video clothing.

Skin will also get a makeover when video tattoos become the next big thing after we’ve finally mastered thin polymer membrane displays. The good old trustworthy pair of glasses will be dragged kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century, rejuvenated with built-in technology to provide sophisticated visual displays right before your eyes. In fact, getting even closer to messing with the retina, active contact lenses will provide those that choose to wear them a whole new eye experience.

Every generation will benefit; large screen video links will reduce loneliness for the house-bound elderly but for the youngsters online, frequent use of multiple internet identities will start to cause personality disorders. Refillable chemical cartridges plugged into computers and televisions will finally bring us smellyvision to engage your stifled senses but it won’t all be the sweet smell of success as an extreme rise in criminal phishing activities by 2015 will have destroyed confidence in on-line banking causing most on-line banks to close.

By 2015 we will have lived through a war for water. A war that will see more friendly fire than ever before and will be fought by autonomous intelligent weapons authorised to fire at their own discretion. The bombs will be pretty clever too, being fitted with context sensitive software, able to wait for the most senior ranking persons to come in range before detonating. Incidentally, on the subject of futile bloodshed, by 2015, 30% of Americans will believe that World War II was a film rather than a real event.

Population increases mean greater congestion; power will come from commercial magma fuelled power stations, but waste will really start to become a problem with landfills in London and the surrounding region overflowing. We’ll need to book time-slots when wanting to use some key roads and boy will they make us pay for it with in-car technology providing dynamic road tolling. Freight and cargo will be transported by air-ships in vast quantities over long distances. Moving gradually towards removing the burden of driving from driving, automatic steering and car co-pilots will make it all easier and, as well as having black boxes, cars will be fitted with dual wheels that can run on roads or on rails, urban tracks reminiscent of tramlines will probably also start popping up to guide electronically driven cars.

2015 - 2020

Moving on a few more years and society is due to see many changes from the inclusion of Artificial Intelligence technology in our culture. AI will be imitating the thinking processes of the human brain, and AI entities will be actively taking part in the education system as teachers and teaching assistants as well as students. AI beings will study at degree level and above attaining great results and meaning that academic learning for humans is soon argued to be unnecessary in the age of smart machines. With androids forming 10% of the population, robots will perform all manner of tasks for humans such as being used to guide blind people and in a very similar role we will also see an Artificial Intelligence member of parliament.

Politics, robotics and the military will clash and we’ll see a war fought entirely between robot armies, in other military advancements mutant insects will be developed to use for attack purposes. Most fighter and bomber aircraft will be flown remotely and plastic stealth tanks will be used in war zones to escape detection. Automation will be working in the battlefield just like the automation at home where fully auto-piloted cars will drive us about the neighbourhood.

An average desktop computer will work as fast as a human brain, but obesity will be on the increase due to compelling virtual reality environments. Conversely, computer controlled hunger suppressants will be available for those that are so inclined.

The retirement age will be raised to 75 and then later it will be linked specifically to your medical history. You’ll need a positive clean ID to access many buildings and public places and you’ll have a tough job to fake it as ID cards will have been replaced by biometric scanning. By 2020 a biometric ID will be required for practically every purchase or phone call.
If you’re not scared of the state by this time, you really should be scared of the other citizens. You’ll know where to find the really scary ones though, as open city prisons will be developed for housing criminals and antisocial people.

Emotion control chips will be used to control criminals, but that kind of technology in the wrong hands could easily bring about unfortunate mischief - instances of mugging by brain state induction devices will take a sharp rise.

Worry not though there’ll still be plenty of things to take your mind off the fear and keep you happy. Out on the town, reverse auctions in personal shopping devices will bring ‘Price Drop TV’ to your pocket allowing nearby shops to bid to provide items on your shopping list. In the evening you can watch a film where you’ll choose who acts in each role, you won’t need to change your make-up to suit the occasion because you’ll almost certainly be wearing smart make-up that’s context sensitive to change according to the situation or your mood. Then at night you’ll be able to dive in and out of others minds with dream link technology. There’ll also be nice new holiday options created by our advance into space with a new hotel in orbit becoming a very attractive alternative to regular earth-bound adventures. Your enjoyment of space will not be marred by any unsightly mess out the window as orbital space junk will be cleared up by automated sweeper craft.

2020s

Further into space as we move into the 2020s and prepare for the first manned mission to Mars but talking in foreign tongues with other civilisations will not be a major concern as back down on our home planet language teaching will be in decline due to the widespread availability of machine translation services.

Artificial Intelligence entities by this time will have been given the right to vote, we’ll be able to make fully functioning artificial eyes and will have held the world’s first Bionic Olympics. Global voting and referendums will occur on some key issues and humans will have a full direct brain link to their computers. We’ll have robotic exercise companions and enjoy watching android gladiators. Well the civilised people will anyway - and you’ll know where to find them, they’ll be living in safer gated cities. They’ll have anti noise technology in their gardens for keeping things peaceful and calm and what’s more, insect sized robots will be banned from their gardens due to the effects they have on wildlife. At night, they’ll brush their gleaming white teeth with toothpaste containing nanobots that attack plaque.

In war, smart bacteria will be used in warfare to alter the behaviour of the enemy, after various developments in the field smart bacteria will emerge as a military threat to mankind. Tactical attacks in conflicts will become increasingly based upon facilitating natural disasters like triggering tsunamis and provoking earthquakes.

70% of landfills in the United States of America will be full and we’ll watch holographic TV while eating smart yoghurt.

2030s

By the 2030s robots will be physically and mentally superior to humans… trust me, by now it’ll really be time to start worrying. Particularly if they notice how badly they’re being treated with Running Man style television programs chasing down androids for entertainment. Learning will be superseded by the development of a transparent interface connecting humans to smart computers, but you will be able to buy a brain ‘bolt-on’.

We’ll draw our power from space with solar power stations and we’ll have mastered the weather with artificial precipitation induction & control. What a time we’ll be having - and it won’t get forgotten because we’ll be able to record our experiences for playback or to allow others to enjoy how we felt.

Danger is never too far away though with conflicts remaining as dirty as ever. Your enemy may well try using solar wind deflectors to set fire to your cities. Forget bird flu, in the 2030s the first nanotech based virus communicable between machines and people will be sent over the net - who knows what you might catch.

Onward and upward though, as there’s no halting progress. We’ll be making regular manned missions to Mars and making worthwhile use of human hibernation in our space travel shenanigans. Things will be going so well in space that we’ll even have a space elevator based on carbon nanotube cable, whatever that means!

2040s and beyond

Finally, the 2040s and you can treat your grandchildren and buy them what they really want; one of those new genetically engineered living teddy bears. Just remember they’re for life not just for Christmas.

Harnessing of wave energy will be providing up to 50% of the UK’s power requirements, and we’ll also be making good use of nuclear fusion as a power source too.

Internationally governments will be considering how asteroid diversion can be used as a weapon against enemy nations.
Up in the stars we’ll have begun construction of the manned Mars laboratory and what with the mining of water on Mars; we’ll soon have a self sustaining mars colony. Meanwhile on that big grey rock near Earth, our expanding moon base will have grown to the size of a small village.