Where there’s smoke...

When it was announced that a total smoking ban in all bars, pubs and restaurants would be in place from summer 2007, I gaped. As the penny dropped that this would include private members clubs, I gaped some more.
I am a smoker, say what you like, I don’t like fat ugly people, but they’re legal too. I cannot comprehend how this new smoking legislation could be considered acceptable by anybody. Of course smoking is a danger to one’s health, but so is crossing the road and in this country, we’re still allowed to do that. If a group of like-minded people wish to drink, smoke and socialise together in a building, they should absolutely have the right to do that, without question. Anybody who does not wish to partake has an equal right to stay away.
The government revels in the benefits this move will bring to the staff of such places, for they have a right to work in a smoke-free environment; quite so. The professionals of the prison service and those working in certain hospitals and care homes will not however be extended such a courtesy. Personally, if I discover that a job or profession is not to my liking, I find it remarkably easy to go find another one. Don’t assume that the worries are over for pub workers, just as they will still unwillingly have to clean up vomit, they will soon be found out in the gardens and patios, mingling amongst the smokers to collect glasses and tidy. Similarly hotel staff will still be expected to enter and clean rooms recently inhabited by smokers, is this wobbly line preventing extra difficulties or satisfying hospitality lobbyists?
It may well not be that easy a line to draw, but why allow any grey in a situation claimed by so many to be black and white? If the government is so very concerned about the prevalence of smoking in our society, is a periodic phasing out really the answer? If they are so very intent on forcing people’s personal choices, why not do just that and ban tobacco outright. The fact that it can be bought almost anywhere has got to make it harder to quit. I’m sure HM customs and excise would have something to say about that though, for it too is a silly idea.
The results of the parliamentary vote suggest that MPs mean to keep a level playing field for businesses that could be affected by the ban, or so they’d like us to think. They claim this is a primary reason for the inclusion of private members bars; well every member’s bar in the country except theirs of course.
Is this really a move to protect the interests of licensees, or is it a desperate attempt to stop the public voting with their feet and proving them wrong? A quarter of pub companies responding to The Publican’s Industry Report 2006, said that some of their pubs would become commercially unviable with a complete ban introduced. If private members bars had not been included, I’d have wasted no time in seeking out a nearby golf or working men’s club to join; the nineteenth hole could become my new local. I have to say I rather enjoy having a drink and a smoke. As do many others; the JD Wetherspoon chain has pre-empted the ban with 50 of its 650 UK bars already smoke-free; those units are now also free of 7.3 per cent of the trade their still smoke-friendly colleagues are enjoying. It’s not just drinkers either that like to have a smoke while they’re out; according to the Bingo Association a majority of the three million people who regularly play are smokers. It could also be said, that for many of them, bingo is their only regular social event. Would these enthusiasts change their ways or simply stay away, causing the end of bingo forever? Let’s hope not - I’m quite looking forward to getting into that later in life, if I last that long!
It probably is a great idea to have a nanny state guiding you toward the correct decisions in life, but it’s not a pleasurable one. Has the nanny state really thought it through, or are there other unforeseen problems just waiting around the corner? BBC news has reported fears from some quarters that sending smokers outside will lead to a huge increase in greenhouse gas-emitting patio heaters. The National Lottery is expecting to receive a massive influx of funding applications from working men’s clubs and other community centres wishing to build sheltered smoking facilities to keep smokers happy. We don’t know how those applications will fare but surely this is money that should be spent at the other end of the cancer battle.
We must also consider the smokers who, like myself, are likely to take a lot more trade to the off-license in future. Did I mention how much I like a drink and a smoke? A nice glass of red wine and a cigarette, at the end of a long day may not be quite what the doctor ordered but it certainly feels like it at the time. There’s no problem with me doing that if I wish, but then I don’t have children. Ministers have mentioned the children that are quite often present in these member’s clubs; they want to protect them too. Then why make a decision that could result in them being further confined to their houses with their smoking parents, who now can’t smoke elsewhere.
The government estimates around 500 new environmental health officer posts will be created to support existing officers - at a cost of £20million a year. Will the smoking police become the new traffic wardens? Touring the streets of our towns and cities; enforcing the ban, and handing out £50 fines to those who fail to obey. They will certainly have their work cut out for them, and inevitably have to call on the real police for support - I will not be gaping with surprise when these health officials start getting assaulted by drunks. The procedure for handing out such penalties will also come into question; like parking tickets or the congestion charge we are likely to hear of many appeals against unfairly levied fines. Maybe we should have got our problem with alcohol sorted first, before we antagonised the pleasure-seekers even more by denying them their crafty fag.
In particular, dance culture will lead the way in showing how Britons will choose to deal with the ban. These are people who found a way to party through the night before even a mention of twenty-four hour drinking. For I am told that certain illegal narcotics enjoyed by many can give one an increased desire to smoke. If you’re breaking one law, why not another? We may see a large rise in ‘squat parties’ and other forms of illegal gathering after the ban. If fox-hunters can’t behave themselves, will people with a serious addiction follow the rules?
You quite simply can’t please everyone all the time; and I accept the fact that, this time it is my turn to be left displeased. Well, I almost accept it. In fact no, I don’t accept it at all, but I know I’ll have to come to terms with it. I just can’t see the reasoning behind a total outright ban; I thought it would be a great idea to shift smokers away from the ‘nons’. Enforce where we can smoke, but don’t exclude us completely by removing our right to smoke with company, a drink and a roof over our heads. It quite literally is the end of an era, and what else will I be enjoying for the last time? Well British culture as we know it - ever enjoyed a pub trick? You can wave goodbye to any pub trick that involves an ashtray, cellophane, a matchbox or a lighter, and that’s all the really clever ones in case you don’t know.
We can look at examples from other countries and make our predictions, but only the British behave like the British, and only time will tell what effect the ban will have on our lives.
In the meantime we will still be sold fatty and salty foods, dangerous fumes will still exude from the cars on our streets and on those same streets violent gangs will continue to roam. Major corporations will still spew all manner of unpleasant chemicals into our water and air without fear of reprisal, financial institutions will still screw over their customers and fat cats will continue to get fatter at the cost of the state. Scum-of-the-earth families will still have too many babies and inflict their costs upon the rest of us, the media will still prey on the weak and stupid, and Jamie Oliver, against the odds, will still be trying to get our next generation fed properly with little support from those in charge.
If the government had a better grasp of their priorities I would have better faith in their policies. If they stuck to their policies; that would be quite nice too! Until then you’ll find me in the pub savouring every last moment that I’m allowed to sit with a pint and a fag. The next step will be to ban smoking outside public buildings or near doorways; don’t let anybody try and tell you you’re living in a free country.